Bringing some comfort to my grief

Bringing some comfort to my grief - Ever-changing Life of a MumThe other week my mum gave me one of the most precious gifts she could have ever given to me.

As I opened the small box I saw a lovely heart shaped gold locket with butterflies etched on the front. Now while the locket is beautiful, it wasn’t until I opened the locket itself that I discovered the enormity of what I had been given.

Placed inside was a piece of my dad’s wedding ring.

My dad passed away in January this year after battling cancer. My mum recently had his wedding ring re-sized so she could wear it alongside her own. She asked to keep the remaining gold which now holds a special place inside this locket.

Every day I reach up to touch my locket and while I feel sad, I smile. It brings me a great sense of comfort and connection; I feel my Dad with me, his support, his love. I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad, just like my mum said she knew he would have wanted me to receive the locket and precious piece of gold inside.

Gosh, I really miss my dad and it’s in the littlest things that the grief can hit the hardest.

Cutting my rose bushes in my front garden the other week I found myself talking to my dad as I did it. I’m sure my neighbour wondered who on earth I was babbling away to as he got into his car parked in the driveway that day.

You see, every year my Dad would come over to prune back my standard roses. Every year he would explain to me the best way to prune those roses and every year I would nod along and watch him. Every year I also thought he would be back again the next to help me out.

But not this year.

This year, I still chatted with my Dad but he wasn’t there. Not in body, but I hope in spirit. There were a few tears, some from spiking my fingers on the thorns, some from my feelings of loss. I was alone, but yet I felt I wasn’t.

I’m also feeling sadness that my youngest daughter will never have the opportunity to get to know her Opa. She won’t know of his love in person, won’t remember his loving bear hugs, won’t hear his cheeky grandfatherly jokes, won’t see his tears of happiness as he witnesses his grandchildren’s achievements … even their smallest successes were such a big deal to him.

My youngest daughter was only 9 months when my dad passed away. But not a day goes by that he isn’t mentioned in conversation so I hope that while she may have been only a baby when they spent time together that she will still feel as though she knows him.

I have only one  photo of my three girls together with my dad. If I could go back in time I’d take snap after snap after snap, but I can’t change the past so I will cherish what I have.

That one photo is hanging on the wall of our family room near our kitchen. A couple of months ago I caught Miss 1 staring at the photo and babbling away quite animatedly. As I watched, I felt a sense of warmth and love around me and I truly hope it means something; that she could see something that I couldn’t see, that she could sense my dad’s spirit and he is watching over us.

Because there has to more … doesn’t there? I truly want there to be more and it’s moments like these that give me hope and faith.

28 thoughts on “Bringing some comfort to my grief

  1. I believe there’s more. It’s very comforting to me. I’m so sorry that your father passed away too young. I really do believe the good things live on though and his spirit will touch the kids.

    Sadly, I didn’t have such an involved Dad, he was very difficult and also died too young… I chose to remember the good parts though, but there’s still loss at the closeness that was never there. So glad you had that with your dad.

  2. Erika
    I am sorry to hear about your dad. I know there is more with all my being. I know this because my Pa came and said goodbye to me after they died, my fiance watches over me and at times when I need him or my grandparents they all watch over me and they just let me know they are nearby when I am feeling lost.
    xo

  3. So sorry for your loss Erika, I know your grief only too well. A beautiful post and I am sure there is more as well. Sending you lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses xx

  4. What a beautiful post and what a beautiful gift. I truly believe there’s more. I lost my Nanna in 2013. I felt that loss so much more than I thought I ever would (she lived interstate and I thought naively that perhaps I’d be used to not seeing her). I swear she visited me in my dreams and told me things she was doing on the ‘other side’. I will always remember those dreams and treasure them. She would appear when I needed her most.

  5. Oh, what a lovely thing for your mum to do and how special. My father passed away almost 5yrs ago and I kept some of his ashes. I don’t know why but I just wanted to. I miss him all of the time and think of him often. I rarely go and visit the cemetery however because I don’t need to. He’s with me every day.

  6. Ahh Erika! I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine my life without my dad in it. What a beautiful and thoughtful gift from your mum. Something you can carry with you forever. I’m sure you will keep your dad’s memory alive and tell the kids about him. Dave’s dad died six weeks before our eldest was born. He’d been with us on our fertility journey and we were almost there. He just missed out on meeting her. When our eldest was about three, Dave’s mum gave us a tree. We planted it in the backyard, put a photo in the hole we dug and scattered some ashes in there. We call it Papa’s tree and it’s a great talking point for the girls. They ask about him all the time. Sorry to ramble. My heart truly goes out to you xx

  7. I believe there’s more. Little moments in life often remind me of a loved one, My Dad’s favourite songs will be on the radio when it’s birthday, my youngest will snort laughing the same way my Nanna did, my cousin tells a joke the same way our Grandfather did. And I just love it when they visit you in your dreams!!! I’m always sooo excited I run out of time to ask them what they’ve been up to and pleading with them to come back. Hope your Mum is doing ok. What a beautiful gift to receive. He’ll always be with you Erika xx

  8. Aww hun, this is touching. Such a beautiful gift from a thoughtful mum and one to treasure.
    There is a world after life and you will have your dad with you always as you journey through this one. I have the pleasure of being a bit psychic since a very young age. Embrace those warm times, they are your dad nearby. X

  9. Erika, this is such a beautiful and moving post about your dad and what it is to lose someone so very close to you. It sounds like you have lots of lovely memories there and keeping Dad close to you and yours every single day is just so special. My mum died almost 10 years ago now and it was relief that her suffering ended. However, in recent times I continue to chat to mum more about cooking (her legacy!) and more. I do believe our passed loved ones are in us and with us all the time. Much love, Denyse xx

  10. So sorry for your loss, Erika. Grief strikes at the most vulnerable of moments and I can imagine how your rose garden would be so closely connected to memories of your dad. I’m glad you have a piece of his wedding ring close to you. Big, big hugs x

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